THIS IS HOW I’VE TRULY BEEN…

And just like that summer 2019 is gone and my life still feels like misplaced puzzle pieces spread all over the table. This has been the year in which I took the biggest leaps and life rewarded me with multiple high fives right in the face!

I’m hoping to do a “year in review” type of blog at the end of the year (God willing) so I’ll let y’all know in detail what I’m talking about when I say “life has been giving me multiple high fives in the face!” I’ll just keep it a bit more general for now and talk about one of the major high fives life gave me in the face and that is not being able to finish my placement in Ghana.

As most of you know, I was blessed with the opportunity of traveling to Ghana to volunteer with a Canadian project that is truly changing the lives of the youth there. I was ecstatic when I was told that I had been selected to take on the role of a “Youth Support Officer” and that I would be calling Ghana home for the next 6 months. Along with the tremendous joy of being able to combine three things I’m the most passionate about (serving + learning + African Continent) I was also faced with the reality of raising enough funds for the project which was part of the requirement to participate. This was a reality that my former employed self would not be too worried about as I’d “find a way” to make it happen but the season of life I was in required that I put my pride aside and learn to ALLOW the community around me to rally behind my passion (MAJOR lesson!) and man, ya’ll held it downnnnnn!!!! (forever grateful).

Fast forward and I was finally in Ghana and I honestly don’t even know how to put into words the paradigm shift that took place from the second I got off the plane and my lungs took in African Air and as tears filled my eyes upon hearing the “welcome home” song that the band was singing at the airport as we went through Ghanian immigration. I knew in that moment amidst overwhelming emotions of processing the fact that this was the first time I’ve been this far away from my loved ones and everything that was within my comfort zone that I was on a path where I’d be transformed in ways I never would have if I had chosen to conform to living the life I had left behind me. Days led to weeks and weeks led to almost two months before it all fell apart. My goals in regards to the impact I wanted to leave behind me when I left Ghana, the precious bonds I had created during my time there, my renewed hope in the role I could play in the nation/continent-building work taking place this and SO MUCH more came crumbling down when we were told that we were being returned home as part of a safety measure that needed to be carried out due to an unfortunate incident that had taken place.

Fast forward and I had already been to 4 cities and 3 continents within a span of less than 48 hours. A couple days later I’d travel to Atlanta making that 5 cities in less than a week and I still hadn’t even begun processing that I was actually back. Everyday I waited for it to hit but it didn’t really, I just felt numb……until a few days later when reality started kicking in. This is when things started to REALLY go south! I felt like the biggest “L” of my life was being shoved down my throat and man was that hard to swallow and digest! It took alot of going back and forth before I was had to make one of the toughest decisions I’ve ever made and that was to decline an offer to go back to Ghana when the project re-opened. There were so many things taking place in my life (won’t go in detail) when I got back here that there was no denying I was being asked to stay and face them rather than go back to Ghana which had now become my comfort zone (the irony of life). This reality was almost unbearable….I was bitter, broken hearted, felt like a failure and just wanted to quite literally live under a big rock where I didn’t have to have any contact with other humans (with the exception of a couple of them). I was so caught up in feeling like I had failed that I neglected being grateful for all the ways God had used my time there to really build my character.

God has spoken to me through so many people and circumstances that my return and my decision to not go back to a place that and people I hold so dearly is divine orchestration. I didn’t see it as such at first and there are times I still find this message hard to swallow but if there’s one thing I’ve learnt in all my years of living it’s the fact that everything that takes place in my life has a divine purpose. No season is unaccounted for and through it all God remains faithful even at times where he seems so far away. This has been a summer in which I have doubted whether or not some of the leaps I’ve taken in my life were really directed by God (see how the enemy gets to our heads). Even as I write these words I find myself having to constantly fight the urge to go back to this type of reasoning when things continue to pin me to the wall. It takes conscious effort to decide to focus on all the ways that God has shown me favor beyond what I could ever deserve. As hard as this summer has been, it has also been the most phenomal summer of my life. I’ve been blessed with the opportunity of living at the same location as my bf after a couple of years of doing a long distance relationship, I’ve travelled to numerous places around the world, I’ve seen new friendships bloom and learnt to cherish old ones in ways I’ve never done before, started a side husle selling beautiful African inspired items #AfrikanRenaissance (Okuuurrr..) and the list goes on. It truly has been a summer of dreams and I’m learning that the enemy uses what we deem as “failures” to make us question ever hearing God’s voice when he gave us a mission, but what God does with “failures” is that he uses them to mold us into stronger warriors who are capable of carrying out even greater missions!

Where is God in all my uncertainties? He’s within me, planting new seeds of vision and helping me prepare to push when I have to birth what only I can birth into this world. The misplaced puzzle pieces are still all over the table but with faith and time I know they will eventually start looking like the picture on the box. I know that I’ll look back at the end of placing the final piece that completes the puzzle and think “huh, it’s all there….each piece that felt out of place has come together as it should.”

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